Sunday, July 15, 2007

I lost a friend to cancer yesterday - R.I.P. Kelly Johnson (of Girlschool)

Although many of you might not know who I'm talking about - unless you were into the band Girlschool back in the early 1980s - I just felt the need to share some thoughts here. It's one of those things that one needs to get out and share with friends - and may in turn help someone else along the way.

I just heard the news that former Girlschool guitarist Kelly Johnson passed away on Sunday, July 15, 2007. She had been suffering bravely with spinal cancer for the past six years - and it finally won. I hadn't seen her in person for 24 years, but still this hit me particularly hard.

I first met Girlschool at the Keystone Palo Alto in early 1983 (although I had seen them before). We chatted up backstage for quite a while, doing an interview for a magazine I worked for at the time - Steel Meel. As it was, I had a huge crush on guitarist Kelly Johnson - and what guy didn't at the time, with her smile and late 1970s Farrah Fawcett hair-do, not to mention that this chick played guitar. To top it off, she was very sweet, and very charming.

At the end of the interview, as I was having the band sign autographs on some of the photos I had taken of them previously, I half-jokingly expressed a somewhat childish desire to go on a date with Kelly. I told her, of course I realized that I lived in the S.F. Bay Area, and she in England (over the big pond), but I had traveled to Europe before, and would do so again.

She smiled and laughed, signed my photo, and handed it back to me. She then said, "Sure, that would be great. We should go out sometime." My heart jumped, although my own cerebral dose of reality said to me, "Don't be stupid. She's a major rock star, in England no doubt, and you are just a guy with a camera barely surviving in California. No matter, I thought. She had agreed and smiled at me, and that was good enough for me. Even if it was just for an ego boost to a fan, she had made my day.

Kelly eventually left the band a year later, and eventually moved to Los Angeles - much closer to me. Unfortunately, I didn't know that until a few years after that, when she had moved back to England. Somehow, I was always a few yards behind her, so to speak.

Eventually I started KAOS2000 Magazine and started doing interviews with celebrities and such. After chatting with the guitarist in Venom, I got an email and a call from former Venom bassist Tony Dolan - who himself had just starred in "Master And Commander" with Russell Crowe. As Tony and I talked, somehow the subject of Girlschool came up, and of course I had to mention Kelly - her being that unobtainable love interest of fantasy to me.

This was around 2004. Tony then told me the news, how he knew Kelly's good friend, and had heard about Kelly's fight with cancer. She wasn't doing very well, I was told, although she was tough enough to have better days along with the worse. I was stunned. I had to get to England immediately. I had always wanted to see her and chat with her again.

I told Tony the story of how we had met and I had asked her out, and how I always remembered her. He laughed and said that he would pass my message along to her.

Around that time, I had gone through my old photos and found my pics of Girlschool and I backstage in 1983. I took one of the photos out of the album and it flipped over. I had never seen the back of this photo. Written on the back was a note with "Kelly" with her phone number. She hadn't just signed my photos, she had taken me seriously and given me her number. What an idiot I had been for never looking on the other side. It was 21 years later now - and she was very sick.

Tony called me back a few days later and had a message for me. Kelly had remembered me from 1983. She smiled when she was told the story, and from what I was told, the story had made her day. She was surprised and happy that I had still remembered her from those shows and still thought of her. Tony said that it might be possible for me to talk with her on the phone, or maybe see her, if she gets a bit better, and that she would be happy to do so.

Before I could make any plans as such - I got to join Kelly in her problems, as I got cancer myself. Leukemia put me in the hospital, and I couldn't do anything for a while, let alone make plans to travel out of the country. So I would wait it out, if she could. During the last year and a half, I had so looked forward to going to England to visit her, or at least get to chat with her on the phone. I didn't know how things were progressing with her.

Then yesterday night, my friend Rytchie called me to bear the news - Kelly Johnson had died earlier in the day. The cancer had taken its toll and she couldn't hang on any longer. And now, I have the most awful empty feeling. Most of my want to go to Europe just faded. I won't get that chance to say Hello or wish her well. And we won't get a chance to laugh about the photos or meeting during the heavy metal heydays. At least I have some friends out there whom I can share this with, and through this, they can now know who she was. Memory is immortality.

After losing some friends and family myself, and with the world in ever-chaos and turmoil on a daily basis, I had become almost immune to death. I've even come to praise it in certain ways. Even with my own illnesses, I definitely haven't cried over much in many years. But - I did shed a tear last night. I didn't really know her, short of a couple of days hanging out two decades ago, but it was just that bond that people (especially musicians) can form when meeting even just once - that can last a lifetime. But yesterday, someone's lifetime ended.

The moral of the story is - we go to visit sick family and friends, and we feel for them, and for ourselves. But sometimes we forget the friends we may have left behind - by accident, or just changes in life, or whatnot. It's good to go back and rekindle. It's better to do it when you think of it - not after it becomes an afterthought of "I wish I could have seen him or her one last time." We all have lives to live and have moved on, but looking back and saying Hello to someone who might need it at the right time is just as important.