"Hard" To Sleep - My Latest Medical Issue

There are those of you who occasionally ask me how I am doing and if I am healthy. Usually the answer is that I'm doing good. Now I have something a bit disturbing, yet amusing to share.

(Read on, as I know some of you are taking the drug that I am talking about here.)

As most of you know, I have APL Leukemia. Good enough. I beat it in 30 days back in 2005, and have been on maintenance chemo ever since - but ending that finally by this March.

Many of you who know me better also know that I have some odd habits, primarily being a vampire by staying up all hours of the night. My reasons - no one bugs me (usually) at night, and I can focus more on whatever work I'm doing. Fine enough, except it's getting hard for me to go back to any semblance of a "normal" life - the kind where one gets up in the morning and experiences most of the daytime world. (If only I drank blood, this would have a happier ending.)

So, now to my dilemma...
Due to the above habits, it has been almost impossible for me to even be tired at any time before 7 am. I'm tired of being that way and wanted some help to get back to normal. My doctor suggested some sleep aids. As I have acid reflux, she did not recommend any actual sleeping pills, but more along the line of "sleep aids." This includes such drugs as Ambien.

In my case, she gave me Trazodone. Apparently this is the drug of choice to offer when helping someone get drowsy. It is non-addictive and does the trick. What it used to be was strictly an anti-depressant. However, how it actually worked, still no one knows. Should that bother me? Perhaps. It's nasty (at the time) side effect was that it would knock people out with drowsiness. So these days, it's promoted as a sleep aid, with anti-depression qualities. However, again, no one seems to know how the mechanism works in affecting people.

And now on to the kicker...
I looked up potential problems associated with this drug. Bingo! There is a problem, that many men could consider a blessing.

It turns out that Trazodone has been associated with episodes of Priapism. Sure, you probably haven't heard of it. Let me say it more simply - Eternal Hard-On! And it's considered a "medical emergency." Funny, I never heard a woman say "problem" or "emergency" towards any man who kept an erection for more than, say a few minutes, if an hour. But it's true. In fact, on one site it states, "If the condition persists for more than 24 hours, it would be advisable... [for a specialist] to decide on a management approach." and mentions requiring "surgical intervention" that could cause permanent dysfunction. What?!?! On top of that is a possibility of cardiac problems. Well sure, considering how an erection is formed and works, that makes sense. All the blood goes to pump and prime "La Machine," and all that excitement can cause a ticker to pop.

One more thing to add... Priapism is also associated with such illnesses as... yes, Leukemia (which I have). That's two potential strikes against me - giving me the whacked-out hard-on from hell. Sure, I could be a woman's dream date - but only for one (very long) night (and day, and next night), before the fun ends.

I promise you that - regardless of age - I am nowhere near requiring Viagra, but it was funny to think that the same results could happen. However, unless I'm planning a sleepover with a harem, and it's my last day on Earth, I think I'll forgo this particular pill and stick with my tried and true Kava Kava and Chamomile teas for sleep-inducing. They work, just not as fast, nor dangerously.

Oh, and lastly, an ironic amusement for me is... Why do most ANTI-depressants cause suicidal tendencies? Aren't they supposed to prevent those? Hmmm... kill the patient, I guess. Blame society and parents later.

If anyone wants more info about the drug that'll give you a boner all throughout the night (while you sleep through it), or the syndrome itself, check out these links -

Trazodone -
http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-d03.html

Priapism -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priapism

Ending 2007: Broken, yet blessed :)

So it's been an interesting year. Well, for those of you keeping up, it's been an interesting last couple of years for me - and for those who really know me... it's pretty much, business as usual with having a full life.

Here's the update:
1) Good news/"eh" OK news about Leukemia - I'm almost done with chemo. Woo hoo! Damn, too, as I am pretty used to it... and I like it!! (No joke, the hair is thicker and skin is smoother. No complaints.). I'm finished with all the maintenance treatments in February. That's all good, except that I've taken it for granted as keeping me above ground. After that, it's 3 more years of "wait and see" and hope nothing comes back. I'm out of the situation that put me in this mess, so I figure I should be good to go and use the word "cured" soon enough. That is the power of faith in one's self, I tell ya. Although some of you won't "get it," even if I do still face "check out time" in the near future, I still got at least 2 years' worth to find my old friends, meet several new very cool friends, and got a lot done. But I think I'll be around for quite some time.

2) I've had the fun year of injuries, especially right towards the end. So... recount - the mystery knee ailment, the broken toe and damaged foot, and the crushed fingers, including one broken one. I was told to keep it wrapped up for 6 weeks. Of course I, never one to be told "No," have already started practicing guitar again after just about 2 weeks. A bit painful, but my fingers needed a stretch.

One might think that this would be a good time to switch jobs... well, I got to end on a good note...
3) I had one more job left, yes with injuries in tow. This client was moving out of country and needed to get rid of everything (most everything went to donation, and a few things to us). My co-worker really needed a car, and as it turned out, our client needed to get rid of his - so I got him to give him his '99 Mustang. No joke. I myself got a few goodies that I had been hoping for, but were a bit frivolous. And with that, got my mom a nice present for Christmas too. All in all, a good time to cut and run, and start a new year fresh. Going back to doing photography and film, along with more writings. And hopefully a book or two by the end of next year.

I hope that everyone has a great and Happy New Year 2008, as I'm mine seems to be starting good.

The month of breaking bones... I must love pain

It's the end of year, and my body must be looking for something brilliant to do as a send-off to 2007.

Having Leukemia apparently isn't enough. I'm not suffering with it, I like the chemo... so what to do? Apparently, accidents are the answer. Yes, the ability for me to find new and interesting ways in which to crack bones in half - my bones - that will be the new hobby.

In this month, I have now obtained some odd knee problem (not a break, but that's not a good sign either), a broken foot, and two broken fingers (which I am using to type right now).

Yeah... the foot, I decided to cram my bare foot into a wall, big feet that I have (size 15, girls take note... HA!!), resulting in re-cracking open a break I did last month, which adds to my collectors' set of when I first totally crushed my pinky toe bones almost off in 1995.

Then an electric garage door wouldn't work, so we released the cable and I was guiding it down. It was slatted, not flat. So of course, I get two fingers caught between. I hear the crunching sounds, and continue to stare in disbelief as the door goes down. More crunching and then, "Crap! I should stop now and get them out." Hmmm...

The fingers are the forefinger and pinky. Yes, I make Devil Horns at everyone right now, as I barely touch anything (except for typing, because... I like pain, and proper writing).

So now I'm a limping, Devil-Horn waving, gimp for the next couple of weeks or so. Yay! I'm hoping that this nasty new habit/hobby of mine ends soon, as I've got better things to do in the New Year. Ah well.

Anyway... just sharing my tales of bizarre living. Kids - don't try this at home.

Phillippe..... :)

I lost a friend to cancer yesterday - R.I.P. Kelly Johnson (of Girlschool)

Although many of you might not know who I'm talking about - unless you were into the band Girlschool back in the early 1980s - I just felt the need to share some thoughts here. It's one of those things that one needs to get out and share with friends - and may in turn help someone else along the way.

I just heard the news that former Girlschool guitarist Kelly Johnson passed away on Sunday, July 15, 2007. She had been suffering bravely with spinal cancer for the past six years - and it finally won. I hadn't seen her in person for 24 years, but still this hit me particularly hard.

I first met Girlschool at the Keystone Palo Alto in early 1983 (although I had seen them before). We chatted up backstage for quite a while, doing an interview for a magazine I worked for at the time - Steel Meel. As it was, I had a huge crush on guitarist Kelly Johnson - and what guy didn't at the time, with her smile and late 1970s Farrah Fawcett hair-do, not to mention that this chick played guitar. To top it off, she was very sweet, and very charming.

At the end of the interview, as I was having the band sign autographs on some of the photos I had taken of them previously, I half-jokingly expressed a somewhat childish desire to go on a date with Kelly. I told her, of course I realized that I lived in the S.F. Bay Area, and she in England (over the big pond), but I had traveled to Europe before, and would do so again.

She smiled and laughed, signed my photo, and handed it back to me. She then said, "Sure, that would be great. We should go out sometime." My heart jumped, although my own cerebral dose of reality said to me, "Don't be stupid. She's a major rock star, in England no doubt, and you are just a guy with a camera barely surviving in California. No matter, I thought. She had agreed and smiled at me, and that was good enough for me. Even if it was just for an ego boost to a fan, she had made my day.

Kelly eventually left the band a year later, and eventually moved to Los Angeles - much closer to me. Unfortunately, I didn't know that until a few years after that, when she had moved back to England. Somehow, I was always a few yards behind her, so to speak.

Eventually I started KAOS2000 Magazine and started doing interviews with celebrities and such. After chatting with the guitarist in Venom, I got an email and a call from former Venom bassist Tony Dolan - who himself had just starred in "Master And Commander" with Russell Crowe. As Tony and I talked, somehow the subject of Girlschool came up, and of course I had to mention Kelly - her being that unobtainable love interest of fantasy to me.

This was around 2004. Tony then told me the news, how he knew Kelly's good friend, and had heard about Kelly's fight with cancer. She wasn't doing very well, I was told, although she was tough enough to have better days along with the worse. I was stunned. I had to get to England immediately. I had always wanted to see her and chat with her again.

I told Tony the story of how we had met and I had asked her out, and how I always remembered her. He laughed and said that he would pass my message along to her.

Around that time, I had gone through my old photos and found my pics of Girlschool and I backstage in 1983. I took one of the photos out of the album and it flipped over. I had never seen the back of this photo. Written on the back was a note with "Kelly" with her phone number. She hadn't just signed my photos, she had taken me seriously and given me her number. What an idiot I had been for never looking on the other side. It was 21 years later now - and she was very sick.

Tony called me back a few days later and had a message for me. Kelly had remembered me from 1983. She smiled when she was told the story, and from what I was told, the story had made her day. She was surprised and happy that I had still remembered her from those shows and still thought of her. Tony said that it might be possible for me to talk with her on the phone, or maybe see her, if she gets a bit better, and that she would be happy to do so.

Before I could make any plans as such - I got to join Kelly in her problems, as I got cancer myself. Leukemia put me in the hospital, and I couldn't do anything for a while, let alone make plans to travel out of the country. So I would wait it out, if she could. During the last year and a half, I had so looked forward to going to England to visit her, or at least get to chat with her on the phone. I didn't know how things were progressing with her.

Then yesterday night, my friend Rytchie called me to bear the news - Kelly Johnson had died earlier in the day. The cancer had taken its toll and she couldn't hang on any longer. And now, I have the most awful empty feeling. Most of my want to go to Europe just faded. I won't get that chance to say Hello or wish her well. And we won't get a chance to laugh about the photos or meeting during the heavy metal heydays. At least I have some friends out there whom I can share this with, and through this, they can now know who she was. Memory is immortality.

After losing some friends and family myself, and with the world in ever-chaos and turmoil on a daily basis, I had become almost immune to death. I've even come to praise it in certain ways. Even with my own illnesses, I definitely haven't cried over much in many years. But - I did shed a tear last night. I didn't really know her, short of a couple of days hanging out two decades ago, but it was just that bond that people (especially musicians) can form when meeting even just once - that can last a lifetime. But yesterday, someone's lifetime ended.

The moral of the story is - we go to visit sick family and friends, and we feel for them, and for ourselves. But sometimes we forget the friends we may have left behind - by accident, or just changes in life, or whatnot. It's good to go back and rekindle. It's better to do it when you think of it - not after it becomes an afterthought of "I wish I could have seen him or her one last time." We all have lives to live and have moved on, but looking back and saying Hello to someone who might need it at the right time is just as important.

Alcoholic Eddie Van Halen Can't Make His Award, Nor His Tour

I've brought this up before, but Van Halen - the band as a whole, let alone individual members - has become a joke long ago. I can't figure out why anyone even expects anything of value from this supposed reunion tour. Personally, I've seen better class and enthusiasm from bands touring the fairground circuit (no joke there).

As it is, now Eddie is pissed off at original bassist Michael Anthony (the high vocalist guy who gave Van Halen their unique harmonies). Thus, Eddie just said, "Michael can do whatever he wants." (so long as it doesn't involve touring with Van Halen). The Brothers VH are mad that Michael Anthony chose not to waste his talents. Is that a proper reunion? Eddie seems to have a tizzy-fit anytime something good can happen for the band. He doesn't need just rehab, he needs a mental care facility and a full-time therapist. Thanks a lot Eddie, for making a mockery of everything that your band made cool about rock music, and for destroying your own integrity and the faith of millions of fans.

Anyway, read the story on the following link (after reading this through) -
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=14277


Take good notice of the photo of the homeless looking bum. Oh wait, that's Eddie from less than one year ago. YIKES!!! He's only 50 years old. What the hell?? He makes Rolling Stone Keith Richards (who is in his mid-60s) look rather dashing and sexy. Seriously. And think about this - Keith is a very professional drinker, and drug abuser. For all of his embalming, Keef is still standing upright, drinking and smoking, falling out of coconut trees and splitting his head open, only to continue touring with the Stones and making millions yearly.

And Eddie? Two bouts with tongue cancer ("Hey dipshit! Quit smoking, dumbass!"), had his wife Valerie leave him, had two of his singers tell him to piss off, and then continues the alcohol as just one more excuse to further fuck up his career and integrity. The guy loves to collect nails for his coffin. Brother Alex continues to stand by his side, ever protective (Why??).

AND... Van Halen, the band, collectively couldn't even show up to their Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame induction this last Monday, March 12, 2007. Michael and Sammy did. Yeah, great time to take a rehab stint. Nice excuse for your dwindling fan base to feel sorry for you, Eddie. You could have brought your bodyguard Alex and kept your hands off of the damned booze.

Sad, sad, sad. ("'Scuze me. Anyone got some change for a guitar string?") Have you ever seen a human being decompose before death? See the photo. Personally, I don't think rehab's going to do it.

~~ Philip - the ever cynical, but usually correct :)


By the way, for those of you who didn't know - Eddie's last job was doing two songs for a porn film. No joke. I had to laugh when a radio DJ said, "Now THAT defines Loser Has-Been rocker." Damn!