I've been robbed!! But... in a good way??

My life is always interesting. Even when bad, negative things happen to me... it almost always ends up for a good reason, or a good outcome.

Last night, I was shopping for groceries at Safeway.
I put my carry-along with my wallet and everything up on the roof of my car... and promptly forget about it as I leave the premises. Not until noon today do I realize that, "SHIT! My wallet is gone!"

Of course no one has turned it into Safeway's management - which is fine as there was no money in it. BUT... I hated to lose business contact phone numbers (not too many).

I call my bank first to let them know that my bank Debit / Credit card was lost and supposedly stolen. I explain very quickly, but very carefully, that ALL my forms of ID were in there - Driver's license, my ID, bank card, passport, medical card, and everything... Gone!!

The bank guy on the phone says, "Can I have your bank card number please?"
"NO!!" I tell him... "But you can call the guy who stole it and ask HIM."

He then asks me for my other information and we continue.

He looks up my information and asks me when I made my last bank transaction. I told him... last night at the Safeway store. And that I made a deposit the day before for $65.

He thinks for minute... then comes the funny part...
He tells me that I now have a Credit of $114. in my bank.

I said, "Do you mean someone STOLE $114. from my account."
He says, "No. Someone just put $114. INTO your account."
I then tell him... "In that case, I like this thief and want him to continue to use my card."
HA HA!!!

The bank guy takes me seriously and doesn't say anything else. I then remind him that I am calling to cancel my bank card and to get a new one. He doesn't seem to understand why.

I explain that I do not want someone ELSE shopping with my money.
He agrees.

He tells me that he will send my new bank card to my bank near me, and that I can pick it up this Friday.
Sounds good.

He then tells me, "You will need to bring 2 forms of ID with you."
I think for a moment and ask him, "Did you and I just have a conversation about what was stolen?"
He says, "Yes."
I said, "Then you will remember that I just told you ALL my IDs are stolen. Every one of them... all licenses and cards."
Bank guy thinks and asks, "Do you have a driver's license?"
Me, "NO!!"
Bank guy, "How about a birth certificate?"
Me, "NO!!!"
Bank guy, "Do you have any other forms of ID?"
I say, "What do you not understand about the words 'ALL MY IDS' are stolen?"
He then says, "OK, well then you can just go in and talk to the bank manager, and she can probably help you and give you your new bank card."

Argh! The stupidity of humankind.

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An addendum to this story: It turned out that the bank dork on the phone (and yes, sitting in a chair in a far-away country), could not read the data correctly. It turned out to be a deposit that I had made myself, about a week previously, which for some reason posted to my account late. But bank dork read it as a brand new bank posting. Nice.