Rules For Bands (taken from "Summer Of The Living Dead" site)

(The following was taken from a webpage called "Summer Of The Living Dead" which takes about the problems inherent in our musical culture today. It was actually written in 1995, but still seems to hold. The writer was a bit out there and wordy, but the ending - which is what I have reprinted - is rather amusing.)

The following set of rules for bands should be instituted worldwide as ironclad law (with stiff prison terms for violations and, in extreme cases, summary execution), through international plebiscite or, if necessary, an armed campaign of subjugation.

1) You may not record a new album simply to have some new product to promote so you can tour, then never play any of the songs.

2) You may not make a big deal of band members' newfound clean-and- soberness when drugs and alcohol were all that ever made your music listenable.

3) If you are a peace-and-love style folkie who has been revealed as a secret wife-beater, you are banned from touring and recording for life (this is the James Taylor rule).

4) If you ever recorded a song with references to Eastern religion, you may not accept more than $10 and a bowl of rice for any performance.

5) You may not advertise that your band contains "all original members" and proceed to list them if no one knew your names in the first place.

6) You may not reunite if your band has a three-letter name beginning with Y and ending with S.

7) You may not replace dead members of your reunited band with their children. (Julian Lennon, take note: you come near any of the Beatles and we're letting Mark Chapman out and giving him a howitzer.)

8) You may not use the name "'X' Brothers Band" for a band which no longer contains more than one brother (this is the Allman Brothers rule).

9) Backup bands of deceased star "Y" may not bill themselves as "The "Y" Band."

10) Only one farewell tour per band. We don't think that's too much to ask for. If we all work together we can lick this thing.

And remember, your mind is a room that you have to live in. Don't fill it up with crap.

Summer Of The Living Dead
http://ezone.org/ez/e4/articles/jones/summer.html